Slap Me on the Back of My Head

Autumn brings with it an air of renewal. Don't you think? A time to rest, reset and dream of new beginnings. At least that's what it usually brings to me. Usually. I've been struggling for months now. 

Life has been far too messy. I've been disappointed, emotional and drowning in a vat of pain I thought I had drained. Everything appears to be colliding mid-flow. Amid the swirling I've made some rash and impulsive decisions trying to prepare for an uncertain future.

I dismantled my art area and disposed of nearly half of it's contents (if not more).

You read that right. Disposed. 

I literally grabbed garbage bags and ruthlessly began filling them with things I've had for years & years. Things that cost a good deal of money, but I wasn't using. In fact, I couldn't remember the last time I used most of my wood block rubber stamps, or ink pads, or melting pot, or UTEE. I couldn't remember using more than a handful of my punch collection, or when I last made die cuts. I couldn't remember the last time I made a card or used embossing powder. I tossed it all. 

I tossed old art journals (I had only two complete), and a mishmash collection of planners. I kept only my hand bound journals from the last year or two and art journals I collected in swaps.

I know. Art journals. Slap me on the back of the head. I will probably regret that, but the majority of them have been well documented in photos.

I tossed waiting canvases and gesso board, chip board journal covers, and pens. I tossed all the things that have been listed in my Etsy shop and renewed time and time again. They have expired for the last time. I tossed art that no longer spoke to me and was just taking up space. Then I put my shop on vacation mode. I don't know if I'll ever bring it back.

You may be thinking, "Has she lost her mind?" Well, yes. Yes I did. I had a raging explosion and the clutter around our small home became too much. The panic and anxiety turned into "just give it all the hell up." Everything came to a head. 

There is no turning back now. Most of it has been taken away. The Ikea carts I used to store most of my supplies are now in storage themselves. I focused on keeping what I use most in my art journal: acrylics, inks, painting tools, Marks All pencils and the like. I carefully packed art I had purchased and framed for my art wall and stored it away for another day. The majority of my supplies are in wheeled carts and reside in the 4' x 8-ish' kitchen nook with my planner desk and one modular unit. 

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I'm not sure how long this will last. I'm constantly moving things around. But for now the dinette table is in the dining area (instead of the living room). I still feel cramped. I've moved a few things around since this photo and things may continue to change, but this is it for now. That clamp board is actually attached to the wall via Command Picture Hanging Strips (velcro) so I can easily take it down and grab a cart to make art.

Impulsive. Rash. In the heat of the moment. Sometimes you can't look before you leap, you just gotta leap. 

It is Autumn. A time for renewal. A time to release, rest, reset and restart. I'm not giving up on my art. I'm choosing not to sell my art. I'm choosing to change my relationship with my art. I'm choosing to shift my focus.

I'm choosing to BE. To create and make and heal.